Luis Llerena

Its so difficult to start.  I love notebooks.  They are so full of promise and potential.  And writing implements – gosh, I so so so love my Pentel Client retractable ball-point pen.  The body is so nice and pleasingly heavy in my hand, the medium point is so smooth and satisfying.  Throw in a cup of hot coffee on a quiet morning and I should be in heaven.  And yet . . .

I can’t make the pen touch the page.  I can’t.  I tell myself, it’s ok – start out slow.  Just write your name, today’s date.  NO! It seems so sacrilegious, I can’t bear to mar the beautiful pages.  Oh, don’t be silly, I tell myself.  I got the notebook just for this purpose.  Do it! Write!

But, its so pretty.  So clean, so pure.  Virginal.  My drivel would ruin it.

It was made to be ruined.  Made for your drivel.  Your bad poems. Do it!

I can’t! I can’t be so cruel, so heartless!

*disgusted sigh*

You’re weak.

Yes. Yes I am.

Come on, get it over with!  Be brave.  Own your notebook.  Write!  Write now!

I take a slow sip of coffee.  I look out the window.  I pick up my pen.

Somewhere in my head, I hear a deep, mental breath being drawn.

I begin.


Who I am, and why I’m here.

This seems a simple pair of questions.  Who I am?  I am Cindy, and I also sometimes answer to Cyn, but only rarely to Cynthia.  I am a mother, of 3 young adults. I am a wife, and my husband and I have been happily married for many, many years.  I am a daughter, of a wonderful woman who in the last year finished chemo and radiation treatments for breast cancer (she’s doing well, thankfully). Also, I’m a sister, to my one older brother. There is also a beautiful grey cat in my family, but I’m not sure if I could be considered her mother, or significant other, or whatever.  At the very least, we are very close friends.  Of course I have quite a few other familial connections, but these are my most important.

I have a healthy artistic side – I love photography especially, and I’m sure I’ll be posting a lot of my photographs on this blog in the future.  I also appreciate other art formats, as well as literature – poetry and prose.  I feel that art and literature is a way of communicating to others in a more emotional and thoughtful way than we usually do when merely conversing.  You can express deeply felt insights and thoughts with art & poetry, and the audience can feel that expression in a more meaningful, even a personal, way.  At one time, I wrote poetry myself, and the occasional short story, but I feel I have lost the skill from lack of doing.  It is something I’d like to regain.  So I practice occasionally.  In the meantime, I read and admire friends and others who write. In fact I love to read, only I have become too slow a reader these days. There are so many books on my shelves, waiting for me.

Why I’m here – well, I’ve dabbled in blogging off and on for the last 10 years.  I’ve had a live journal, a blogspot, a wordpress, a tumblr.  I’ve tried making my blog on my own website.  Blogging seems like a fun way to do something creative, to do something with my photos and thoughts.  Also, I like the interaction which can occur with other people on the internet.  I mean, I do keep a private journal which I don’t share with others, but with a public blog I feel like its possible to build a kind of community, even if its only an internet community.  I like to see what other people think and say and do; I’d like to join that community, too.  Unfortunately, what usually happens is I lose focus, or I get forgetful about posting, time goes by, and yeah, it just dribbles away to nothing, and then I eventually give up.  I would like to not give up anymore.  So, I decided to take these blogging and writing classes to see if I can learn how to do a better job of keeping focus, and to build my confidence as a blogger. This will be my learning blog, at least for now.